Some may be aware that my next big adventure is the formation of my home inspection company BestHomes Inspection Ltd. so from now on, instead of talking about such interesting stuff as politics, I am going to talk about funny homeownership things like:
Tips for the virgin homeowner:
1) Buy a toilet plunger before you need it.
2) Befriend a plumber in case point one isn't enough.
3) You will turn off the water when you brush your teeth, right after you get your first water bill.
4) That matt Grandma had in front of her toilet was there for a reason, you will soon realize what that reason is.
5) There is a direct correlation between temperature and the gas bill.
6) You will learn that "municipal franchise fees" as yet another tax on the gas bill.
7) Trash day will be special six days after you miss it.
8) Composting is easier said than done.
9) It will annoy you when the neighbor parks in front of your house.
10) Your lawn will never look as good as the lawn of the retired old guy two door down.
11) If stuff was on pallets in the basement when you bought the place, your stuff should be too.
12) It's all your problem now.
13) Ikea furniture will do.
14) You are officially house poor.
15) The neighbor has new stuff because they have more debt.
16) Store it don't pour it, really.
17) Renovations take twice as long and cost twice as much as you planned.
18) You will really appreciate your dad and his ability to fix things.
19) You will finally realize how much stuff your dad knows how to fix.
20) An evening out will be a trip to Home Depot.
21) It will take you four hours to install your first new light fixture.
22) You will learn that just because the light switch is off to the light it does not mean the power is too.
23) Words like, Mitre, Crown Moulding and thermocouple will be become pillow talk.
24 Learn what a thermocouple is and how to change it.
25) Ask Dad how to show you how to change a thermocouple.
26) Google thermocouple now, while it's warm.
27) If the door sticks, lift up on the knob.
28) If you experience a thing called "truss lift" in cold weather, it's normal and can be fixed with a crown moulding nailed to the wall.
29) In order for heat to get into a room, cold air has to be able to get out, leave the interior doors open.
30) To open a privacy lock, stick a #2 knitting needle in the little hole in the middle.
31) If you don't knit, home ownership is a good reason to start.
32) Knit socks, you will need them with the new NDP carbon tax.
33) If you voted NDP in the last provincial election, use natural fibres for the socks you knit, your feet might be itchy but you will be saving the planet.
34) Things like solar power and wind turbines are not economical, unless you have a lot of money to spend or friends in the NDP who are subsidizing it for you.
35) Be it ever so humble, there is no place like home.
Good luck new home owners, don't scrimp out on the $500.00 the house inspector charges.
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